Well it has been weird to think that I am almost done with my mission. Where did the time go? During times of your mission you might not think it is going by fast but when you are at the end it's like it was a blur. I feel like there was soo much that happened that I don't even remember everything anymore. It's crazy. It's like I was abducted by aliens for 2 years. Sometimes I think, did I change enough? Did I become who the Savior wanted me to be? Did I give it my all and will I leave with no regrets?
Lots of times in my mission I have felt that fear that I wasn't working hard enough, that I wasn't a good missionary that I didn't change. A few nights ago I finally came to the realization that I had changed, that I became a better person. That I'm still not perfect but that I am better. I feel like I am more at peace to know that I did what I was sent here to do. And that it was different than what I expected it to be.
Heavenly Fathers ways are much higher than our ways. He understands our needs even when we think our needs are something else. Fear is a tactic that Satan uses to stop you in your tracks. To focus on yourself and not on the welfare of other people.
When I was thinking about if I had changed a few nights ago I realized that I really have. At the beginning of my mission there were things that I would tell companions or whoever that I wasn't willing to do. I thought my way was better, or more efficient. That I knew what I was talking about.
I see a lot of the new missionaries that are coming in and being and acting the same way I was when I started. Thinking that some things were so funny. Or that this was the right way to do that. It didn't click in my head that I was the same way when I was there. That's when I realized that I changed. Alot. I am SO greatful for the atonement and how it allows us to change and become better people. I am greatful that Heavenly Father changed me these past two years. I wish that I could stay here and continue to become a better person, but I now know that it is time for me to go.
It's like in the Plan of Salvation when we were in the Pre-Earth life and we wanted to progress. But in order for us to do so we needed to come here to gain a body. We needed to take the next step. That's what I need to do now. I need to continue to progress, but by taking that next step.
